About the Author || Commissions

Hello lovelies,

I just wanted to create this quick post so that every one could get to know me a little bit better and so that I could share with you about my writing commissions!

My name is Megan Marie and I am a 20 year old student, writer, creator, and cat mom. I am a junior in college working towards a double major in Literary Studies and Sociology. I absolutely adore writing. Nothing has ever made as much sense as when I have a pen in my hand, allowing myself to write freely and openly. For the past three years I’ve been bouncing ideas around for a large-scale project and I’ve finally penned an outline for my first novel! It’s entitled Crooked Letters to Crooked Lovers and it tells the story of navigating life and relationships after abuse. It’s a very personal project, very close to my heart, and it has taken a long time to find the courage to put those words on paper and share them with the rest of the world.

I also craft a lot, too! I hand-make unique jewelry and dream catchers and other witchy essentials. Crafting and creating things by hand became another very important aspect of my life, next to my writing, when I became very ill during my last year of high school.

Chronic illness is a part of my life, it’s part of who I am. It’s not always the part I’d like to define myself as such as with “writer” or “student” or “creator”; but it’s a major part of who I am and it influences my day to day life. Writing and crafting are things that help me cope, help me live, and I love being able to share my journey with others.

So a little bit more about me in the present and about my commissions! I am currently in-between jobs and struggling to maintain an active presence in my schooling due to my mental illnesses. Right now, I am living with parents and trying to find a way to work until school begins again in the fall. My goal is to save up enough money to move up north to Humboldt County with my lovely datemate and my precious furbaby! So, as of right now, I’m opening up my writing commissions!

Prices for writing commissions are as follows:

  • Short story (~1000 words): $15
  • Short story (~2000 words): $20
  • Poem (2 stanzas): $15
  • Poem (4 stanzas): $20
  • Acrostic poem (1 word/name): $10
  • Acrostic phrase poem (1 phase/sentence): $25
  • Prose piece (300-500 words): $10

If you like to more information you can email me at piles.papers@gmail.com or simply leave a comment below!

I also do freelance editing work at PilesofPapers on Etsy!
And if you’d like to check out some of my crafts they can be found at CosmicWitchery on Etsy, as well!

If you would like to support me and my writing I also have a Patreon account where I share updates about my novel – I’d love for you to check it out. And if you like my writing and my blog and all of my free content; I would greatly appreciate if you would consider supporting me on Ko-fi – I truly do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Love and light,
m.m.t.

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Certainty

I feel your warmth as you lay against me

with the rhythm of your heart beating in your chest

keeping time, keeping pace,

keeping the storm raging in my head at bay

and leaving behind my long-forgotten peace of mind.

 

In this moment, my mind stops racing

and everything goes quiet.

In this moment, the constant over thinking means nothing

and you,

you are everything.

 

It’s just me and you,

pressed too close together,

and for once, I don’t feel claustrophobic.

For once, I don’t need you to back away;

I only want you to come closer.

 

I have always been indecisive about everything,

except for you.

I have always been certain about you.

 

It takes me 15 minutes,

and two panic attacks,

just to decide on a flavor of ice cream

but I never second-guess you.

 

I have always been certain about you.

I Was Lost

I was lost.

I was wandering aimlessly as a ghost, not quite sure who I was or where I was going. But I found solace in the numbness I was left with.

I was lost.I was lost and growing used to the loneliness of nothingness. The empty feeling I was left with had swallowed me whole and I couldn’t escape its grasp.

I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to fight against the current any longer. Being swept out further into the sea of confusion, of absolution, was the only thing I knew anymore.

I was tired.

I was tired of being pulled under by the raging current. I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t come up for air. I couldn’t grasp the concept of battling against the inevitable any longer.

I was done.

I was done trying to steady myself in a place where I knew I didn’t belong.

I was sinking.

I was sinking lower down into the abyss where I felt that I could finally rest.

I felt free.

I felt free of the burden of the weight of my solitude. The weight that had ended up drowning me. Complacent in the emptiness and calling it home.

But then there you were.

There you were, shooting into my universe like a meteor. Giving everything life and setting everything ablaze.

You felt like home.

You felt like the security I had lost so long ago. Like a steady tide rushing in to whisk me out of my self proclaimed labyrinth.

We were perfect.

We were perfect in knowing that perfection isn’t being whole, but being found and being pieced back together again.

I felt safe.

I felt safe with your fingers intertwined with mine. A comfortability I hadn’t felt since the numbness had overpowered me.

You pulled me up.

You pulled me out of the abyss. Soaring higher towards bliss and yet not quite reaching the surface.

And you let go.

And you let me fall back into a state of hopeless confusion. Burning and drowning all at once. Disoriented by your blinding light and suffocating on the stillness surrounding me.

I’m losing it.

I’m losing everything I thought I had. I’m losing my mind. I’m losing myself. I’m losing my way.

I am lost.

To the Deepest Cut

trigger warning: rape, abuse//{this is a very heavy and triggering story; please stay safe in reading}
Do you even know what you are?

Do you even know what sort of horrible marks you’ve left on me?

Does the thought creep into your head late at night? Does it ever creep into your mind at all?

Rapist.

That’s what you are.

I can hardly bring myself to think that word because of the weight it brings into my thoughts.

Do you even realize that’s what you are? All you’ll ever be?

Or do you sleep soundly completely unaware –

Completely unburdened by the idea

Because to you it was a all just a simple mistake.

In your head you probably aren’t even abusive.

You probably didn’t leave bruises on my arms or marks across my faces.

And what about the other damage? The ones that were never visible but are taking even longer to heal?

What about the way you talked to down to me constantly?

Or screamed at my over the phone until 2 am?

What about all those times when I tried to end our relationship? And you switched from screaming to talking so sweetly, so sadly, about how much you loved me and how you’d probably kill yourself if I ever left you…

Sometimes I wish you would have…

It would’ve saved me from bumping into you on the street.

It would’ve saved me from all the bullshit you spread around behind my back.

I had absolutely no way of controlling the version of our story that you told everyone else.

I was a slut for being raped.

I was a whore for being raped.

I was told to kill myself for being raped.

My self image –

My self perception –

Was ripped away from me and twisted and contorted by you into something I didn’t know how to recognize.

There are days when I still don’t recognize the person looking at me through my mirror.

There are days when all I can hear your voice egging me on.

There are days when all I can replay in my head are the threats and the hits and the cuts and the screaming and the names and the lies and abuse

The utter abuse,

Dragged out for over year with no way of escaping.

And the scariest part of it all?

You probably don’t even realize you’re an abuser.

You probably don’t think you did anything that bad.

You probably don’t even realize the simple fact that holding me down and forcing yourself on me against my will doesn’t just make you a dick with an entitlement complex;

It makes you a rapist.

To the Scar that Refuses to Heal

You fucked me up.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to undo all the damage you did. If I’ll ever be able to heal all the scars you left

Your name doesn’t even leave a bitter taste in my mouth, it bites like a poison that reaches my core

I still hear your words echoing in my head. Every goddamn thing you said to me, every goddamn thing you said about me

I can never unsee the image of myself that you painted in my head

I will never be able to unlearn every horrible thing that you taught me about myself

And now here I am

It’s been years but I’m still projecting your image of me onto others

I still close my mouth when I have so much more to say

I still shy away from every touch

I still flinch at the anger I expect to come when I open my mouth

Or speak to much or too loudly 

You shook me to my core in the worst goddamn way possible

I can’t erase those chapter of my life

I can’t undo the typos you left in my head

I can’t undo what you did to me, no matter how hard I try

No matter how many times I pick up a pen and try to revise 

It’s etched in stone 

It’s etched on my skin

I can’t forget or forgive or move on because this is who I am now

This is who you made me into
I can’t unsee myself in the image that you created and I’ve been staring at her for so long I think I’ve forgotten what I looked like before you
I can’t go back now

I wouldn’t know how to be that person anymore that’s an mold I no longer fit into a mold I no longer recognize
Broken bones mend

Scars heal

Bruises fade

But the mark you left on me keeps reopening,

It refuses to heal, refuses to let me move forward and far away from you
I hear your anger in the back of my head every time I open my mouth to speak

Your ghost keeps my quiet, keeps me docile

And I’m sure you’d like it that way

My Meteor

I lived in an endless night. I was swallowed in a darkness that had such a dizzying effect on me. I wanted nothing more than to find my way out of its grasp, but I couldn’t let go of the comfortable numbness that I had found in it. The proverbial ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ can be so hard find when you’re trapped in a dazing labyrinth engulfing and enticing you. But suddenly you shot across my sky like a meteor and set my world aflame. Everything was brilliant and dazzling and blinding with such beauty that I didn’t even know was possible. I will never forget that initial light; that spark that changed everything. You took the world around me and changed it right before my eyes. Where I had seen despair and hopelessness I now saw nothing but beauty and purity. The stars in the night sky will always remind me of you, even when you’ve long forgotten about me, because you were my falling star, the meteor that took the hopeless life I held limply in my hands and turned into a new beginning with nothing in its way. The stars will forever be my favorite, because their beauty reminds me of you. But even they look more beautiful reflected in your eyes.

The Vault

The vault is my personal compilation of old drafts, poems, and short stories.

The vault is locked; however, there is a key!

Become a patron for Crooked Letters to Crooked Lovers and gain access to never before seen content and, of course, my undying love and appreciation. Thank you all so much!

Love and light,

m.m.t.

Crooked Letters Updates – Patreon Support

My debut novel Crooked Letters to Crooked Lovers is in the works!
And now, you can help me bring it to life and get some exclusive content by becoming a patron on Patreon!

What becoming a patron means for you!

  • Access to my other writing social media accounts where I share snippets of my works in progress, half thoughts, and abstract lines of unfinished poetry.
  • Access to my vault! This is my personal file of of my old drafts, poems, and short stories. This means access to never before seen writing by me!
  • Access to unpublished first drafts of the letters! Be the first (and sometimes only) people to see the original drafts and poems that later become the letters in the novel.
  • Discounts on my freelance editing services! Copy editing and content editing for essays, short stories, blog posts, and so much more.
  • Early access to the first official copy of Crooked Letters to Crooked Lovers!
  • My undying and eternal love and appreciation! From the bottom of my heart, I truly do appreciate everyone who decides to become a patron or shares my story. You all me the world to me. Thank you all.

Love and light,

m.m.t.

CosmicWitchery Updates

Hello lovelies!

I know it’s been a while since my last post but life has been hectic! Before I get back into my regular posting schedule I wanted to let you all know about the official relaunch of my Etsy shop CosmicWitchery.

The official relaunch was originally set to happen on April 1; however, I have been incredibly ill and in the process of moving so I haven’t had as much time or energy to dedicate to my beloved craft. Originally, I wanted to do a full relaunch and restock the entire shop and add in a bunch of new items! I have a bunch of ideas flowing through my head some wonderful editions headed to the shop for the everyday witch! However, due to my illness I’m afraid a full relaunch wouldn’t be possible for a few months so I’ve decided on better plan. Starting next week – April 10 – I will be adding everything I have already made to my shop so that they’re all up and ready for you lovely souls. Then, as I start to get better I’ll expand the items in the shop and continually add new and improved listings!

So keep an eye out this Monday!! I have a bunch of dream catchers, choker necklaces, and crystal creations all ready to be shipped out to new homes! And more items are already in the works and will probably be posted about next week so stayed tuned, witches!

Next week my blog and my shop will be back up and running as usual!

Love and light,

m.m.t.