Personal, poetry

I Was Lost

I was lost.

I was wandering aimlessly as a ghost, not quite sure who I was or where I was going. But I found solace in the numbness I was left with.

I was lost.I was lost and growing used to the loneliness of nothingness. The empty feeling I was left with had swallowed me whole and I couldn’t escape its grasp.

I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to fight against the current any longer. Being swept out further into the sea of confusion, of absolution, was the only thing I knew anymore.

I was tired.

I was tired of being pulled under by the raging current. I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t come up for air. I couldn’t grasp the concept of battling against the inevitable any longer.

I was done.

I was done trying to steady myself in a place where I knew I didn’t belong.

I was sinking.

I was sinking lower down into the abyss where I felt that I could finally rest.

I felt free.

I felt free of the burden of the weight of my solitude. The weight that had ended up drowning me. Complacent in the emptiness and calling it home.

But then there you were.

There you were, shooting into my universe like a meteor. Giving everything life and setting everything ablaze.

You felt like home.

You felt like the security I had lost so long ago. Like a steady tide rushing in to whisk me out of my self proclaimed labyrinth.

We were perfect.

We were perfect in knowing that perfection isn’t being whole, but being found and being pieced back together again.

I felt safe.

I felt safe with your fingers intertwined with mine. A comfortability I hadn’t felt since the numbness had overpowered me.

You pulled me up.

You pulled me out of the abyss. Soaring higher towards bliss and yet not quite reaching the surface.

And you let go.

And you let me fall back into a state of hopeless confusion. Burning and drowning all at once. Disoriented by your blinding light and suffocating on the stillness surrounding me.

I’m losing it.

I’m losing everything I thought I had. I’m losing my mind. I’m losing myself. I’m losing my way.

I am lost.

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