Letters, Personal, poetry

Some New Beginnings

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this site and I am truly sorry for that. Whenever my life spins a little out of my control the first things I lose my grip on are my favorite tasks. It’s been m o n t h s since I last updated here or on my Patreon or on my Etsy. But now I’m working to get back in to the swing of the things and gets some updates rolling out.

NaNoWriMo is next month!!! That’s exciting and also terrifying as some of my fellow writer may be feeling right now. My ultimate goal is to have Crooked Letters to Crooked Lovers FINISHED by the end of November (fingers crossed). Then I could start the printing process and make my final round of edits and add ons. I’m hoping to have everything wrapped up and ready to go by early 2018!

Here’s another poem set to be featured in the collection; a personal favorite of mine (and one you’ve already sneaked a peak at if you follow me on Instagram):

Even on the darkest nights

the earth still turns

spins

and wakes up again

My only hope is that you do too

As always, of you’d like to get inside looks at this project or support it in anyway my Patreon account is the place to go! (Plus I just updated all of my rewards and other patron goodies) Thanks for sticking it out through my scattered time frame and thought process.

Love and light,

m.m.t.

Letters, Personal, poetry

Medicated and Mighty

I'm spending the day editing my book and making the final touches on some of the poems, order, and other small details!
I'm honestly amazed with myself for how quickly this is coming together now that I actually have the energy to work on it.
(Thank you Wellbutrin for making me feel alive again.)
Here's another sneak peek at one of the poems that will be in the book; one that I feel suits how I've been feeling this week. Let me know your thoughts!

Store bought neurotransmitters

Are just as valid as homemade

Not being able to make your own

Does not make you weak

And taking the steps to receive help

Doesn't make you broken

It makes you strong as hell

⁃ Medicated and mighty

Letters, Personal, poetry

Witchcraft

I am a force of nature
not easily contained
I have magick coursing through me
and every time I open my mouth
I move mountains with my spells
I will not let you walk into my life
and demand that I make myself small
just to make you more comfortable
I am a force of nature
Respect that or prepare to face
my true and abundant force

⁃ a witch who refuses to burn

Letters, Personal

Crooked Letters – Draft One

The first draft of Crooked Letters to Crooked Lovers officially exists in the physical world!

I fell into a bit of a creative slump for a few months while my mental health fluctuated and my medications were rearranged.
But now I’m feeling better than I ever have. I have more motivation, more energy, and more creative pumping through my veins.

Draft one is ready to be edited, rewritten, and expanded.

This is an exciting step forward for me on my journey to publishing this novel!

Love and Light
m.m.t.

Letters, Personal

To the Deepest Cut

trigger warning: rape, abuse//{this is a very heavy and triggering story; please stay safe in reading}
Do you even know what you are?

Do you even know what sort of horrible marks you’ve left on me?

Does the thought creep into your head late at night? Does it ever creep into your mind at all?

Rapist.

That’s what you are.

I can hardly bring myself to think that word because of the weight it brings into my thoughts.

Do you even realize that’s what you are? All you’ll ever be?

Or do you sleep soundly completely unaware –

Completely unburdened by the idea

Because to you it was a all just a simple mistake.

In your head you probably aren’t even abusive.

You probably didn’t leave bruises on my arms or marks across my faces.

And what about the other damage? The ones that were never visible but are taking even longer to heal?

What about the way you talked to down to me constantly?

Or screamed at my over the phone until 2 am?

What about all those times when I tried to end our relationship? And you switched from screaming to talking so sweetly, so sadly, about how much you loved me and how you’d probably kill yourself if I ever left you…

Sometimes I wish you would have…

It would’ve saved me from bumping into you on the street.

It would’ve saved me from all the bullshit you spread around behind my back.

I had absolutely no way of controlling the version of our story that you told everyone else.

I was a slut for being raped.

I was a whore for being raped.

I was told to kill myself for being raped.

My self image –

My self perception –

Was ripped away from me and twisted and contorted by you into something I didn’t know how to recognize.

There are days when I still don’t recognize the person looking at me through my mirror.

There are days when all I can hear your voice egging me on.

There are days when all I can replay in my head are the threats and the hits and the cuts and the screaming and the names and the lies and abuse

The utter abuse,

Dragged out for over year with no way of escaping.

And the scariest part of it all?

You probably don’t even realize you’re an abuser.

You probably don’t think you did anything that bad.

You probably don’t even realize the simple fact that holding me down and forcing yourself on me against my will doesn’t just make you a dick with an entitlement complex;

It makes you a rapist.